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“You don’t necessarily have to leave the house in order to call something a solo date,” Tristan says. If you’re a pasta lover, maybe find a spaghetti bolognese recipe that looks doable and carve out some kitchen time to create that tomatoey deliciousness. Have a raging sweet tooth? Gather the flour, sugar, and baking soda sitting in your pantry and follow a simple enough YouTube tutorial or recipe from your favorite baking blogger so you can treat yourself to a fresh batch of gooey chocolate chip cookies or fudgy brownies.
It’s okay if you’re no cooking pro, and your goodies don’t have to be Great British Bake Off worthy. The point is to have fun with the whole thing and enjoy the process, Tristan says—and while you’re at it, feel free to light some candles or pour a glass of Chardonnay or a paloma lemonade mocktail, perhaps, to really up the date-night vibes.
Savor a delicious cocktail at a local bar.
Speaking of drinks, no one’s going to bat an eye if you stroll into Starbucks by yourself. So why shouldn’t the same apply when it comes to an evening beverage? Sitting alone at the bar and sipping on a margarita or a faux-jito might sound unconventional, but if you’re someone who appreciates the fine art of a good mixed drink—and is perhaps game to meet a new friend or two—this may be the solo date for you.
You have a few options when it comes to what to do, exactly, to ensure you have a good time once you get to the bar—aside from, ya know, drinking. If you’re terrified of interacting with strangers (or are maybe just a little shy), you can sip on that refreshing cucumber martini while people-watching, say, or keeping up with whatever sports game is on the flat screen in front of you, Tristan says. On the flip side, if you’re more of an extrovert who struggles to embrace the silence of solitude, you might make a point to initiate a conversation with the bartender or a fellow customer. You can start small by asking them about the drink menu (“Any recommendations?”), Tristan suggests.
“We typically think of the bar as a place you get a drink when you’re dating someone, but in my own experience, I’ve felt my anxiety go down after going by myself and talking with a wonderful bartender,” Tristan says. (Just be courteous and don’t try to strike up a chat if they’re, ya know, super busy doing their job and making five drinks at once.)
Shop (or window browse) to your heart’s content.
I’m not a therapist, but I am a serial solo dater, and I can tell you that having the afternoon to yourself is a great excuse to visit your favorite stores, without your partner or best friend rushing you out of the dressing room or pressuring you to buy (or not buy) that “Pumpkin Maple Waffle” candle. Maybe there’s a brand you’ve always been curious about but never really had the time to check out. Or maybe you’ve been too shy to peruse that sex toy shop you always pass on your way home from work—what better opportunity to browse some life-like dildos than when you’re alone?
As scary as it may sound, a solo date may be just what you need to shake up your routine and feel more comfortable in your skin. And, as evidenced above, it doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive to be fulfilling. The point, after all, is to enjoy spending time with yourself. So pick an activity that you’ll actually have fun doing—rather than forcing yourself into a cycling class if you hate high-intensity cardio or playing chef when cooking (and the sink full of unwashed dishes that follows) totally overwhelms you.
Whatever you do, remember that no one’s going to judge you harshly—or no one worth your time, anyway. I mean, have you ever looked at someone engrossed in a novel at a coffee shop and thought, Wow, what a loser? Probably not.
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